AI NO KANSHOKU
by wai no feni
Summary: Oneshots, each with a different pairing. [IchixRuki] and [IshixHime], among others. Fluff galore! xD
1. ichiban: Ichigo x Rukia

Just a little random string of one-shots, each with a different pairing. Some may be unrequited, some may have yaoi pairings (coughByakuyaUkitakecough) so just be warned ;-p

"Nii-sama" – how Rukia refers to Byakuya; literally, "older brother"

Review if you like. No flames, please.

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**AI NO KANSHOKU  
**Ichigo x Rukia

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The dark around them was enclosing, but it was private, quiet, in as much a peaceful setting as Ichigo would've liked. After the happenings over the recent days in Soul Society, he had as much a want for rest as a need for it.

Countless cuts and injuries were his body's only mark to just how much he had trained and suffered while trying to become strong in such a short period of time. Kuchiki Rukia gently traced these cuts with her fingers, appalled at how many were longer than the length of her hand. And they did not discriminate to just one part of the body…they were everywhere.

"…Rukia?"

"Oh, did I wake you, Ichigo?" she said, eyes shadowed. Urahara had left them only one small candle to light the room. "I'm sorry."

Orihime, Ishida, Chad, and Yoruichi were somewhere else in Urahara's expansive shop; maybe eating, or training…Rukia didn't really care.

"No, it's okay, I was about to get up anyway," Ichigo said, sitting up with a sigh. All the bandages swathed over his injuries rustled. "What are you doing here? Aren't you going to sit outside with everyone else?"

"I don't even know where they are," she said.

Ichigo shrugged, and looked away. He was still in his bankai clothing, and the tattered edges of his coat cast a strange, jagged outline against tatami mat. The candle flickered once before going out, leaving them in darkness.

"…Ichigo, I…"

He turned his head to her, and his eyes were softer than she'd ever seen them.

"Rukia?"

"…you know, I…I wanted to say…thank you for saving me…" she said haltingly. "But…Ichigo, you idiot. Look at yourself. You went and got yourself this injured just for me…and you totally devastated Soul Society just for me…" she smiled weakly at her last words. "You really are an incomprehensible idiot…"

"Huh. _You're_ the idiot, for thinking that I wouldn't have come for you."

"You're the idiot! You came all that way, fighting, and look at how injured you are! Not to mention you fought nii-sama…"

"Don't even mention that bastard. Can you believe it, he only wanted you to die because it was the fucking _law_?"

"That's just how nii-sama is…" Rukia said softly. "He is of the noble Kuchiki family, after all."

"Noble Kuchiki family my ass," Ichigo scowled. "Any older brother who gives up on their younger siblings deserved to be lynched. It's just not the way the world works. Siblings look out for each other."

Rukia sighed. "You don't know nii-sama."

"Damn right I don't know him. I don't want to know him either. And I don't care. I rescued you, Rukia; you'll never have to go back to that for as long as you don't want to."

Rukia looked away.

"…Rukia, don't tell me you actually _feel sorry_ for that bastard?"

"…well, he is my elder brother…I…"

"Dammit, Rukia, what did that bastard of an older brother ever do for you? From what I heard during the short time I was in Soul Society, he was nothing like how an older brother should be…he was willing to give you up to execution simply because he had to _follow protocol_! He could have saved you if he wanted to! But he _didn't_! And you still stick up for him? Rukia, you're worth more than that!"

She was silent, letting his anger cool down, knowing that anything else said would just infuriate him more. His breathing was harsh in the darkness of the room and he had thrown the blanket off his legs. Rukia looked into his fierce eyes, and her hand started to tremble. It was so like that time, the last time they'd been alone together…

"Ichigo…"

"What?"

"You know…that night…"

"What night?"

"The night right after…right after you defeated nii-sama…"

He sat staring at her for another second more before his memory caught up with him, and then he turned away, a red blush burning on his cheeks.

"Did you mean it?"

Ichigo turned to her, sounding exasperated. "Have I _ever_ done or said anything I didn't mean, Rukia?"

"…no, I guess not…" she said, after thinking about it.

_There were so many things that had happened that day…the halt of her execution, the defeat of her brother, Aizen's treachery becoming known, Ichigo's fighting through more battles to simply return to her side so that everyone could meet up again, getting through a barrier back to Urahara's shop…the day had indeed been draining._

_Ichigo was so exhausted when they finally reached the shop that he was almost delirious. It was a miracle he could still walk. When able, Rukia had found herself running to him, throwing her arms around him to assure herself that he was real and safe and alive…she had brought him to a dark room to rest. She hadn't cared about the blood and sweat Ichigo was rubbing on her._

_"Rukia…glad you're safe…" he said thickly, and she was touched._

_"Thank you, Ichigo," she'd said softly, "I…"_

_Her next words were lost. Later on, her mind would remember only small phrases of whispered words – "…promised I'd save you…" "…you're safe now…" – and the one that she would never forget:_

_"…I missed you…" he said, and her reaction was halted as he leaned forward to capture her lips to his. The kiss had been fleeting, and Rukia had been so surprised that all she'd done was just stay stock-still; but that was all right, because Ichigo then fell back onto his pillow and into a dead slumber._

_Her fingers touched her lips, a reminder that it had actually happened…_

"…you've been asleep all this time, and I really wanted to talk to you," she said, looking down at the ground. Like Ichigo, she was still clothed like she had been in Soul Society, the white garments of her execution being enough for her escape. She thought her hand seemed pale enough to match; that was until a dark, warm shadow overtook it. Ichigo's hand.

"I don't say things I don't mean," he said quietly, eyes staring straight into hers.

Rukia was left with that. "…how did you…?"

"I trained with Renji for a while before your supposed execution. We…talked."

"I see," she nodded. She was almost afraid to voice her next question. "…and…" she said softly, "…did Renji…I mean…what did Renji say about me?"

Ichigo regarded her for a few seconds after that statement, saying nothing, though his hand tightened on hers. Rukia knew he would never lie to her, so she wasn't worried about that…it was just the thought of she being transparent enough for someone to read her true feelings that scared her.

"All that he said," Ichigo repeated slowly, "was…don't worry."

Rukia nodded, smiling suddenly, trying to keep the tears from flooding her eyes. Renji had been her best friend for so many years – in fact, he still was. And right now, he could probably read her better than anyone else. If he were there, Rukia would've hugged him for being so astute.

Sighing once, she came close to settle herself against Ichigo's chest, leaning her head against him to hear the steady beat of his heart. It was enough of a reminder that he was alive.

At first startled, Ichigo then wrapped his arms around her as she breathed in the musty smell of him, of his torture and perseverance, of his hard work and of his triumph at the end of all things.

Ichigo shifted and spoke. "Did I have to worry?" he asked, but Rukia could sense that he was smirking as he asked it.

And she smiled back at that, just a little. "Of course not." She looked up.

This boy was the one who made her believe in a future that had once seemed to have slipped out of her grasp. He was the one who made her see the promise that he would not give up on. He was the one who made her live, who showed her the world, who made her _want_ something again.

Because she wanted him.

And Ichigo kissed her again, but this time there was no lack of response on her part; Rukia gave him her kiss as his hand tangled in her dark hair, as dark as the sweet and silent night surrounding them, of such wonder and mystery as it kept unfolding.

There was no pause on living. And she had found her line to life.

* * *

**owari**


	2. niban: Ishida x Orihime

Hmmm…a lot of people seem to like IshiHime. Not that I mind . Written on and in honor of Valentine's Day (yes, very late, I know).  
No one dies here, I promise

Review if you like. No flames, please.

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**AI NO KANSHOKU  
**Ishida x Orihime

* * *

Inoue Orihime was well known as the type of girl who would give chocolates to everyone. It was just the way she was. In fact, she hardly needed it to be Valentine's Day for her to give out chocolate if she had her way, but it being the holiday just gave her the excuse.

It was a good thing she did, actually. It was the only way people like Asano Keigo and Ishida Uryuu got any chocolate at all. The former would have gladly stolen Orihime's attention from the latter, since the latter had never cared about any type of holiday. It always seemed that way, at least.

That was why, contrary to Arisawa Tatsuki's threats of "_It's not a big deal…_" hissed in a predatory growl, it was a _very_ big deal the year Inoue Orihime brought only one box of chocolate to school on Valentine's Day, and one box of chocolate _only_.

She brought it to school, a medium-sized box exquisitely wrapped with colorful curled ribbons and delicate bows. For the entire morning it remained in her desk, away from prying eyes and the gossiping stream of other schoolgirls, wondering as to who the recipient would be. Many said Kurosaki Ichigo, but _they_ must have been blind – he looked perfectly happy with his one small box of homemade chocolate from Kuchiki Rukia, who had learned the art from master chocolate-maker Inoue Orihime herself (and quite incidentally, it was the only food to which she stuck to the true recipe...)

First, second, and third period passed...recess and lunch…and still Orihime had not given her box of chocolate away. Eventually it was the end of school, and people wondered if it was supposed to be some sort of joke.

But no. When everyone left to go to their separate clubs, she took her box of chocolate and headed down the corridor, looking like a woman with a purpose. Of course, this piqued everyone's interest. By the time she reached the Arts and Crafts Club, she had a small army following her…to this, though, Orihime was oblivious.

As for the recipient of the chocolate, Ishida himself didn't even look up from his reading until the chocolate was centimeters away from the spine of his book. "Inoue-san?"

"Happy Valentine's Day, Ishida-kun," Orihime said with a warm smile. Her hands continued to offer the chocolate to him, and he finally took it, pushing his glasses up his nose. "I…I made chocolates for you this year, and…I hope you like them."

"I'm sure I will," Ishida said with an air of gallant chivalry, offering her a mildly pleased look – though of course the gravity of Orihime's gesture was completely lost on him. Being so out of tune with the social gossip, did he even _know_ that she hadn't made chocolate for everyone that year?

Hello, this _is_ Ishida Uryuu we're talking about.

"Thank you, Inoue-san," he finished, before turning back to his book. He had assumed their interaction was done, that this was the same Valentine chocolate she gave him every year. Orihime hesitated at his desk, looking as if she wanted to say something else…but ultimately she just gave him another smile and left.

She brushed past the dispersing witnesses. A few were muttering, and few gossiping as they saw the action was through, and they headed off to clubs. A few remained, however. Asano Keigo released his chokehold on Ichigo's head (the only reason the orange-haired shinigami had been dragged along, and Rukia followed) and barreled into the room. In righteous indignation, he slapped his hand on the desk. "Hey! You! Knitting boy!"

Ishida shot him a glare that would've melted ice cubes. Asano backed down a little.

"Asano Keigo, I believe? What business do you have with me?" Ishida asked in a frosty voice.

"You know, you know," Keigo sputtered, "that box of chocolates that Inoue Orihime gave you…they were…they were…" He finally stopped hopping around enough to finally complete his sentence. "…they were the only box of chocolates she made this year!"

Ishida just stared at him, apparently coming to the conclusion that the other boy was out of his mind. "Well, maybe she didn't have time to make more," Ishida said indifferently, and picked up his book again. "If you didn't get one, I'm sorry you're not important enough."

"_No_, you four-eyed twat, normally girls only make chocolate for special people! And she gave her only box of chocolate to you!" Keigo was wailing. "What is that supposed to say about poor Inoue-san? Is she really so desperate? Is she really forced to sink so low? All she need do is say the word, my dear Inoue-san, and I shall–"

"_Keigo. Shut. Up_," Ichigo growled, as he pummeled his friend to the ground. Dusting his hands, his eyes met with Ishida's, who was calmly surveying all of this with a slightly detached expression. "Anyway, Ishida, what this idiot was trying to say isn't really of any importance, so I'll get his sorry ass out of here." And he dragged him out, and everything was quiet again.

_Girls only make chocolate for special people…_ Ishida thought over Keigo's words as he put his book away. He picked up the box and carefully undid the ribbons, gently and carefully, as though the box would evaporate from his hands with rough handling. Inside was an assortment of milk and dark chocolate, in creative shapes, and with creative colors and decorations.

Ishida sampled a few before his hand closed the box. The taste was excellent, as expected from a girl who routinely made plenty of chocolate each year. Well, except for this year, it seemed.

He found Orihime still in the classroom, packing the rest of her books together and chatting with a few girls who still hadn't left for their respective clubs. They scattered as he approached, and Orihime smiled at him. "Ishida-kun!"

"Thank you for the chocolates," he said, with a slight bow.

"You said that to me before," she smiled, "and you're welcome again!"

"Do you have any club work to do today, Inoue-san?"

"No, I don't."

"Then, may I have the pleasure of walking you home?"

She tried to refuse, saying her house was too far away, that it was fine, he didn't need to "repay" her for the chocolate, that she was fine by herself…but the light of happiness that had first stolen into her eyes at his offer told him everything.

"I do insist, Inoue-san."

"Well…eh…okay…if it's really okay…"

"Of course it is."

It was strange. Maybe he was sick, or something. But his heart was doing the strangest flip-flops somewhere in his chest.

* * *

**owari**


	3. sanban: Renji & Rukia

The quotes are taken from Hitoto Yoh's song "hanamizuki." I'm sure you can find a translation somewhere, but to put an English subtitle here would ruin its poetry. It's a beautiful song :-)

One-sided romance.

Review if you like. No flames, please.

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**AI NO KANSHOKU  
**Renji & Rukia

* * *

_natsu wa atsusugite  
__boku kara kimochi wa omosugite  
__issho ni wataru ni wa kitto fune ga shizunjau  
__douzo yukinasai  
__osaki ni yukinasai_

* * *

That time we were training in the same grounds, I must've looked at the orange-haired bastard a million times. Each time I was wondering, when _I_ look at him, and when _Rukia_ looks at him, are we seeing the same things?

I see a straight back, broad shoulders, orange hair, his zanpakutou, his determination. Yeah, his determination is as visible as anything physical on his body, and it was just as tangible every time I stood next to him.

Bastard. Always trying to show me up. Every time I would take a break, he'd still be practicing, practicing, practicing. One-track minded. Idiot. Asshole. Orange-haired shinigami idiot who doesn't know the first thing about Soul Society.

Okay, so he freed Rukia in the seconds before her execution, I'll give him that. And he stayed behind to fight one-on-one with Kuchiki Byakuya, which might be suicide in itself…but I don't think so. He's got guts, that Kurosaki Ichigo. And what am I doing?

Fleeing. Running away with the whole point of this treachery.

She's so small in my arms it was even a wonder that we're near the same age, given as to how my entire hand can easily swallow her slim shoulder. And this is one of those rare moments where she needs a pep talk, and there's no one around to give it but me.

I'm bad at these things. Really. But she takes my bluntness as the honest truth.

In fact, she's shaking now, hiding her face from me. I can't look at her. The Kuchiki Rukia I know never gives in to her fears, to her excessive emotion – but I suppose that she's always been so silent and strong that she never allowed herself the time to properly take care of her mask. It's cracked and broken, discarded, by one shinigami's hand.

Hmph. It's too bad that even with all her smarts, Rukia's never gonna figure out anyone's feelings towards her. She'll never figure out why I've chosen to take part in this once-called "pathetic" rescue attempt. And if by some miracle she does, all I'll have to do is deny it, and that will be the end of that. End of story.

"Renji?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think…that Ichigo will be all right?"

"You gotta believe in him, Rukia. He's stronger now than he was before…he's gonna make it. He trained super hard, plus he has Shihouin Yoruichi on his side. He's got a lot going for him."

She smiled. "He can do bankai, too."

Now that was a surprise. "How do you know?"

"I just know."

That was probably the main reason I was not all that surprised when, later, when we had made it to safe ground and even after Aizen was defeated, I'd learned that Kuchiki Byakuya had been defeated by Kurosaki Ichigo. I'd known it from the start.

Sometimes I don't know whether I want to strangle Kurosaki Ichigo or if I want to accept him into the circle of Soul Society. He's done a lot of shit in the short time he's known about shinigami, and that's saying something. Not only did he defy every goddamn law known to shinigami, he also broke into Soul Society and gave this place the most action we've seen in over fifty years. And he saved Rukia.

My best friend, Kuchiki Rukia. The person that I care the most about. It's too bad that I already know, though…know that all the time Rukia spent with Ichigo led up to a realization, led up to a single point where he would be willing to give anything to save her from death and for her to cry at just seeing him again.

I know, later, if she were well and Ichigo and I were standing side by side, it's not to me she'd run – not to her best friend, the one who survived all those years with her – no, it would be to the reckless, crazy-power, orange-haired shinigami. He's the one Rukia would wrap her arms around, would cry into, would spend a sleepless night shaking in his embrace. Not me. Kurosaki Ichigo.

I felt like killing him when I realized it, the first time.

Why did Rukia have to fall in love with _him_? Why couldn't she have fallen in love with _me_? Is there really such a difference between us? I know her better, I've known her longer, and I can actually make her laugh, instead of cry…

But it's something that you just can't help. Maybe somewhere, someone's laughing their ass off at me and how this one Kurosaki Ichigo came in and swept away two of the things closest to me: my goal of defeating Kuchiki Byakuya, and Kuchiki Rukia. Because even though Ichigo threw her to me and she's as physical in my hands as anything, her mind is a million miles away.

Rukia's always with Ichigo. At one point I would have resented it. At one point it would have stabbed my heart.

It still stabs my heart, but there's nothing I can do except run. Keep her safe for Ichigo.

Run.

So that Ichigo can return to her, and so she can smile.

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_kimi to suki na hito ga hyakunen tsuzukimasu you ni…_

**owari**


	4. yonban: Byakuya x Ukitake

Just a short little piece. People have asked me why I like Byakuya x Ukitake. My response? I don't know, I just do. I love Ukitake; he's one of my favorite captains…and Byakuya is too sexy not to write about :3 especially with his hair down out of those miserable kenseikan…

Does anyone know how Ukitake refers to Byakuya? I forgot. Byakuya calls Ukitake "senpai," doesn't he? If anyone can help, please do.

And thank-yous to all the people who reviewed:-) It's always nice to hear your work is appreciated.

Review if you like. No flames, please.

* * *

**AI NO KANSHOKU****  
**Byakuya x Ukitake

* * *

His eyes would follow him as he'd walk, stately, with all the grace of a noble. He _was_ a noble by all meaning of the word – the clothes he wore, the company he kept, and even the way he held himself just screamed Kuchiki nobility.

It was hard not to stare sometimes.

"You know, Ukitake, if you stare any harder your eyeballs are gonna dry up and fall out," Kyouraku Shunsui said teasingly as he walked past after the Kuchiki had. For once, his fukutaichou Ise Nanao was not with him, reprimanding her taichou for some small misgiving or other. "I know he's a sight, but try to control yourself, eh?"

"Please don't say that so loud, Kyouraku," Ukitake said as he tried to fight back a blush but failed horribly. "I really don't want Byakuya hearing it and start thinking badly of me."

"Oh, Ukitake, you're too damn adorable for your own good," Kyouraku said, coming over to pinch his friend's cheeks. He gave a hearty laugh upon noticing that they were still pink. "You know, I never pegged you as the lady type, but I must say you have fine, fine taste, if not a little high-end classy."

Ukitake blushed again, and, more to change the subject than anything else, asked, "And where's Byakuya's sister Rukia? I haven't seen her around in a couple of months. Isn't she with her elder brother?"

"Kuchiki Rukia? No idea. She's been on Earth for, what, two months now. Don't know what she's doing, but it's getting mighty suspicious. In fact, I think Byakuya's gonna be sent on a search party for her in a couple days, if I'm not mistaken." Kyouraku scratched some point behind his head. "So how are you doing with your Byakuya infatuation, anyway?"

Ukitake groaned internally. "Please, Kyouraku. It's not an infatuation. And can you _please_ lower your voice?"

"Why? What's wrong with liking someone like Kuchiki Byakuya?"

"I…" Ukitake shrugged, "I…don't know. Nothing."

"Damn right, nothing. So what're you worried about? Go confess and smooch him."

"Kyouraku!"

The man laughed at the stark blush on Ukitake's face before turning away. "All right, all right, I'll stop teasing and leave you here. I have to go see to something anyway, according to my dear Nanao-chan. See you later, Ukitake!"

Ukitake just watched his best friend leave and shook his head. Kyouraku would never change. He was always the flamboyant character.

However, since there was nothing else for him to do, he headed back to his quarters for perhaps a bit of rest; his cough was bothering him lately more than it usually did. Maybe it was overwork, what with no vice-captain and having to do all of his paperwork himself…

He had barely stepped past the door when a whisper of an aura lightly swept his skin. Recognizable in an instant, Ukitake didn't even need to turn around to know who it was. That person came up close behind him until their bodies were nearly touching, breathing into his ear:

"Your friend talks too loud."

"I know, Byakuya," Ukitake sighed, without turning around, "and I keep telling him to quiet down but you know Kyouraku; he never listens to me."

"Maybe I ought to tell him something."

"Then he'd just get suspicious."

A pale hand came up to tuck even paler hair behind an ear, before it settled on the shoulder. "Turn to me."

Ukitake did.

"It troubles you to keep this quiet, so why do you bother?" Byakuya asked him seriously, regarding his lover with one hand still on his shoulder. "You are not the type to keep secrets, and you well know it."

"…I just think it's for the best," Ukitake said cryptically. He brought his arms up to wrap around Byakuya, leaning against him as he sighed. Their relationship was confusing, true, but all the same, it still merited a real bond between them.

Byakuya observed him for a while before his arms came around Ukitake in return.

"Are you angry?"

"Why would I be angry?"

"That Kyouraku teases me about us."

"No. He's as blind as the rest of them."

Ukitake smiled wryly, and decided not to mention that he was insulting his best friend.

"Well, okay. As long as you're okay with it."

"Just tell him to talk quieter or I'll have my bankai down his throat."

"All right, all right. No need to get violent."

Then Byakuya tilted his head up and kissed him, and they didn't talk any more.

* * *

**owari**


	5. goban: Kon & Rukia

Decided to try my hand at another one-sided romance ;-p  
Kon refers to Rukia as "nee-san," which literally means "older sister."

Review if you like. No flames, please.

* * *

**AI NO KANSHOKU  
**Kon & Rukia

* * *

Aside from the liberties he was always free to take whenever he inhabited Ichigo's body, the only other thing that Kon really liked about it was just one:

He was _tall_.

Granted, Ichigo was not a giant, but Kon would have felt misplaced in a body as small and soft as Ichigo's sister Yuzu, and vice versa in a body like Chad's. Spending much of your life close to the ground as either a pill or a stuffed animal will do that to you.

But currently, he was not thinking about being tall or being a kaizou konpaku; he was currently using those famous legs of his to whisk Rukia away from a Hollow fight. She had been knocked unconscious when her head forcefully smashed into a telephone pole, and it was bleeding slightly. However, Ichigo was determined for her to not sustain any further injuries, and so was using Kon as his transportation vehicle to get her home.

He looked down. Rukia was perfect in his arms, just perfect.

No – not his arms – Ichigo's arms.

Arriving home took little time, and he climbed in through the window and laid Rukia on Ichigo's bed. The human adrenaline of his blood kept him from sitting still, pacing all around the room and finally settling on one of Ichigo's shirts to stem Rukia's head wound. He covered her with a blanket and cleaned up any scrapes that still showed.

"Okay, I remember…first wipe away the blood, and then put on that band-aid thing Ichigo used to talk about…or did he say not to?" Kon mused to himself. "Maybe I should let it dry off first, or something? Gah!" he mussed his hair in frustration "You know what, nee-san, I'll just leave it, in case I accidentally butcher your forehead or something; Ichigo will know what to do when he gets here…"

After all of this was decided, there was absolutely nothing else to do.

Kon let out a heavy sigh. Now, had this been anyone else, he would've gone off jumping buildings again with his super legs. But this was Rukia-nee-san. He couldn't leave her. Not only would Ichigo kill him if he left her alone, if she woke up, Kon wanted himself to be the first person that his Rukia-nee-san would see.

So, with that in mind, Kon pulled up Ichigo's chair to sit next to the bed and watch her. Nobody else was home and the house was entirely quiet; the only movement came from the occasional breeze that drifted through the window.

Rukia's eyes were shut lightly as she breathed through a slightly parted mouth; with the line of her dark lashes gently pressed together against pale skin, Kon thought he had never seen a more beautiful sight.

Nee-san was perfect. She wasn't like Inoue Orihime, with her huge breasts and bubbly personality, but nee-san was perfect in her own way. She was most beautiful when she was headstrong, in the same sense of how a wild animal will die when held too long in captivity. You can't restrain a passion for life.

Even so, though, too much of free spirit could be a turnoff after a while; however, what kept Kon convinced of her perfection was the surprisingly sweet side that occasionally surfaced in a situation, from time to time. Like that time with Ichigo's mother and the Hollow that had murdered her – nee-san hadn't pried and had basically said it was all right for Ichigo to keep his own secrets…but later on, Kon knew Ichigo noticed how her eyes glimmered at the mention of the loss of a dearly beloved person. The reason was lost, the implication not.

It was in these times that Kon felt nee-san understood more of the world than she let on, that maybe she was acting her true age for once – that maybe, unlike all the rest, Rukia-nee-san could understand.

In Ichigo's body, Kon sighed. He'd turned the chair around so that his chin was leaning on the backrest, waiting for Ichigo to get back and oust him back into his plush form. It was a rare thing that he was with nee-san, alone, while not as a stuffed animal. It should have felt monumental, in a way, as most rare occurrences are made out to be…but all that Kon felt was a deep, easy peace, as birds chirped outside the window and his nee-san slept at his side.

Suddenly Rukia's brow wrinkled just slightly.

"Nnn…" she breathed out, twisting her head to the side, "…ahh…"

"Nee-san?" Kon whispered softly, coming at once to her side and off the chair. "Are you okay?"

"…Ichi…Ichigo…" Rukia's brow furrowed once more. "…Ichi…"

Kon realized it.

What did Ichigo do when Rukia had nightmares?

"…hey, it's okay…" he said softly, hesitantly smoothing the hair back from her forehead. "It's okay, nee-san…I mean, Ru – Rukia…" And as his hand left her forehead, his head gently bent down over hers, hesitating. But with a steel of his nerve, Kon placed the gentlest of kisses to Rukia's lips as some nightmare about Ichigo plagued her dreams.

She calmed immediately, as she always did when Ichigo did that.

Kon had an unreadable look in Ichigo's eyes as he retreated back to the chair, where he would wait for another seven minutes before Ichigo finally appeared through the window.

"Kon! How's Rukia?"

"Nee-san's fine," he said, subdued. "She's just fine."

"All right, good. I'll take my body back now," Ichigo said, and Kon complied without a word. He didn't feel like arguing…and besides, Ichigo was in no mood for games. As Ichigo's shinigami self melted back into his true body, the pill popped into his mouth.

Ichigo had enough courtesy to at least put it back in the stuffed animal before turning to Rukia.

And Kon watched him wake her up, disbelieving that those same hands that could kill with such ferocity could be so gentle, checking her head, making sure she wasn't hurt anywhere else. It was a good thing that dizziness blurred Rukia's normally sharp eyesight, for nothing would have been able to hide the raw worry and fear that had fast overtaken the scowl usually on Ichigo's face.

She hadn't even felt Kon touch her in the depths of her dreams…had not felt the kiss, for certain. Rukia hadn't felt it, and perhaps it was better that way.

"Are you sure you're okay, Rukia?" Ichigo asked, after his apprehension was finally checked. Kon watched from the floor, not moving at all.

"Yes, I'm fine. It's only my…my head."

"You need ice?"

"No. It's fine."

"A bandage?"

"No, it's okay. Thank you…Ichigo."

And as he tired of their common conversation, when everything was really being said in how his hands continued to hold her, Kon climbed into the closet and shut the door.

* * *

**owari**


	6. rokuban: Byakuya x Hisana

Okay, I'm messing around with Hisana's character here, especially since we know nothing about her. So if she turns out to be Byakuya's blood sister or something, please don't get grossed out; remember, at this point in time, we know absolutely nothing about her. Thank you ne ;-p

_reiatsu_ – I don't know how to explain this. I guess the way others translate it – "spiritual pressure" – is okay, but I don't like it. But I have no other definition…

Review if you like. No flames, please.

* * *

**AI NO KANSHOKU  
**Byakuya x Hisana

* * *

Byakuya couldn't care less that he was going to be married.

Killing Hollows, becoming captain, getting married – they all had a hint of tediousness that he simply forced himself to live through, being unable to do anything else about it. And this girl that the Kuchiki family elders had decided for him…well, he didn't even know her name.

In fact, before she came to live with them, the most he knew about her was just the fact that she was a noble. That would be a given, seeing as to how a noble such as himself would not marry out of his class.

A few weeks before the wedding, she came to live with them.

Outwardly, Byakuya seemed indifferent. Inwardly, he was pleased that she was at least pretty, especially when the touch of a smile would brush her face, that she was soft-spoken, and had a gentle sort of feminine kindness that she would shower among everyone she met. And he learned her name, too: Hisana.

Byakuya got the surprise of his life that one time when he walked into his sleeping quarters and found her there, sitting up next to his bed, a solitary candle her only companion at that late hour. After his curt, direct questions and her soft, hesitant answers, he got the drift: apparently, his elders felt that they were already coupled and therefore, the time was well and enough for him to take liberties with her body.

It was disgusting, especially since she was obviously terrified at the thought, and since he had asked of no such thing. The dim light of the candle, flickering in her large eyes, seemed to make her a little younger then…a child's eyes facing an adult's world. Byakuya did nothing; he lay down and bid her do the same, saying he wouldn't touch her, and would she hurry up and blow out the candle?

He didn't know, but Hisana smiled then.

That began their life together, unmarried as they were; Hisana would generally go about doing her own things and he with his. However, after that night, she was never afraid to speak to him, to ask him trivial things or just to muse over her thoughts.

"Byakuya-sama?"

He looked at her.

"How much older than me are you?"

"Several centuries."

She nodded. "…oh, I see."

Or…

"Byakuya-sama?"

He looked at her.

"Why are you the only one without a vice-captain?"

"He was killed in battle recently. There hasn't been the time for a new vice-captain trial yet. I haven't mentioned it."

"Oh…" she said, and her eyes became large, "That's too bad. He missed out on serving under the best captain of the thirteen."

She thought he was pure, that he was perfect and merciful. And even though Byakuya knew she thought this, over the passing days, he somehow could never bring himself to change this aspect of himself in her eyes and say the horrible truth: that he was cold, ruthless, death in its definite and cruelest sense. Hisana herself was no shinigami; she was much too frail to hold a sword and fight. Thus, she held no correspondence with any other shinigami, and never had any other opinion of him with the exception of her own.

And Hisana thought a lot more than she let on, because whenever they were together, she would just talk to him about the first thing that came to her mind. Byakuya would walk the halls of his expansive house with her at his side. Strangely, it never bothered him to hear her voice. Most other times, he would quickly tire of pointless chatter people directed at him and he would make excuses to leave. But his fiancée, with her soft voice and gentle smile, never left him with this feeling.

The day before the wedding, Byakuya had been looking for her all over the house. Finally, some time later, he had found her in the garden underneath the shade of a flowering tree. The leaves were lightly falling, and, as she sat there with the layers of her kimono spread around her in a delicate wave, she reminded Byakuya of some exotic flower – too beautiful to be picked, just enough to be looked at.

He approached, and she opened her eyes.

"Ah, Byakuya-sama! I'm sorry. I didn't see you. I was just breathing in all the air in your garden, because the flowers are so pretty."

Ignoring her apology, he said, "Tomorrow, this will be your garden, too."

She gave him a smile and a delightfully surprised look. "Only by law. But as far as just the feeling of it itself…this will always be the garden of the head of the Kuchiki household, and no other. Just as how the other Kuchiki servants and elders will always hold more loyalty to you than me, even when we do marry tomorrow, simply because you _are_ their master and I'm just your wife," she said, smiling in a carefree manner at him. "That's just the way it is, you see?"

"Do you mean to say that someone of this house has disrespected you?"

His question was serious. Had she indicated anyone, Byakuya most likely would have killed them.

However, she shook her head. "Oh, no, of course no one has. They respect you too much to do so. Please, never mind anything I said," Hisana let out a laugh, "I think I'm starting to say all nonsense. All the scent in the air is intoxicating. Please excuse my conversation, Byakuya-sama."

She was the first person to ever act in such a manner with him. What made her act differently from everyone else? Why did she smile and laugh when everyone else bowed and cowered at his gaze?

Suddenly this was important to him.

"Is this fine with you?"

Hisana stopped looking at the falling leaves to glance at her husband-to-be. "Excuse me, Byakuya-sama? Is what fine with me?"

"This marriage."

"It was arranged, and we both consented," she said, eyes gentle. "Of course it's fine with me if it is with you."

"That is not what I meant. You might consent on the outside simply because the head of your household told you to. Is that really consent?" he asked, eyes never leaving hers. "That's why I ask: is this arrangement really suitable to you?"

She smiled. "Are you giving me a choice?"

For the first time in his life, Kuchiki Byakuya hesitated.

"…yes."

At his reply, she blinked. Obviously that was not the answer she had been expecting. This was an arranged marriage and she was marrying into the highly prestigious Kuchiki family; there should be no room for discussion on her part. Her gaze turned a little more serious, a little less playful.

"Why? Do you wish to marry someone else, Byakuya-sama?"

"That is not what I asked of you. Do not force me to repeat myself."

Maybe it was his voice, or the look on his face – whatever it was, suddenly Hisana smiled, that smile which Byakuya thought made her face that much prettier. "Byakuya-sama, I am fine with this arrangement. It does not bother me in the least. And just so this will be cleared up, I will say it now, without any fancy words."

She leaned forward until their noses were inches apart. "I want to marry you, Byakuya-sama," Hisana said slowly, very plainly, the words somehow more clear in his state of mild surprise at her direct words. "Now you know how I feel; please don't doubt this again." And she pulled herself away and smiled at the look in his eyes. Turning her face back to the sky, she added, "Isn't it a pretty day?"

And then Byakuya felt the peace in his heart.

The next day, their marriage went off without a problem. All the other noble families came to celebrate, and all in all, it was a happy day, filled with much laughter and merriment and too much drink all around.

After that, life settled back down into a semblance of normalcy.

"Byakuya-sama?"

"…?"

"May I put some flowers in this room? Would you mind? I think it would brighten it up."

"…you may."

And:

"Byakuya-sama?"

"…?"

"Are you all right? You look tired."

"…it's nothing. I've had too much paperwork, is all."

"Take care of yourself, Byakuya-sama."

And:

"Byakuya-sama?"

"Yes, Hisana?"

"You know, I like you better without your kenseikan," she said, running her fingers through his dark bangs. She gently brushed them to the side. "Without them on, and without this" – she tugged his scarf off – "you look just like a regular person, not the exalted Kuchiki Byakuya everyone sees but no one knows…"

"…Hisana?"

"No, I'm just thinking out loud…" she said, smiling softly.

The days went on, and this continued. How just a simple presence could bring peace to the master of a strict household was a miracle, but no one questioned it; they would just smile secretly as Kuchiki Byakuya walked by, very aloof and dignified, while his smiling wife linked their arms and made light conversation.

But of course, as Byakuya should've known, happiness never lasts.

He was acutely aware of this as he stood in the doorway of the room, large and bare, with the edges of _her_ kimono hanging limply over the edges of the table, the white cloth covering her face not being large enough to fully hide her form from view.

Words rained down upon his ears – "Hollow," and "helpless," and "surprise attack," and "sorry," were all words repeated quite often, and they made no sense until Byakuya jumbled it all together in the white-blank slate of his mind. He stormed out of that room without a second look back.

That particular Hollow never stood a chance. Powerful though it was, Byakuya could have destroyed it with the force of his murderous reiatsu alone, so great that all of Soul Society could feel it as he executed the Hollow who had taken his most precious person from him.

People were apologizing to him all the time…for not coming sooner, for having done nothing, for not realizing that a strong Hollow could have broken into the household. Byakuya listened to them all and heard nothing. They despaired. It was that same old look on his face from before he had married his late wife.

For Byakuya had closed himself off to the world…again.

Many years down the road, with Hisana's wounds still fresh, he met Rukia. And he asked for her to be adopted into their family before realizing that he had made a grave mistake. Byakuya didn't often make mistakes, but of the few he ever had, none of them were so great as this – slain by his own nostalgic desire and slight hope that maybe, just maybe, Rukia could turn out to resemble even the slightest fraction of the woman whom he just _could not_ forget.

From the start, it was clear that it was not meant to be; Kuchiki Rukia obeyed him as everyone did: with a bow and cower at his gaze. Hisana would not have done so. She would have looked up, smiled, grabbed hold of his arm, would have reassured his heart into believing that everything was all right.

He couldn't stop thinking of his late wife, all during his battle with Kurosaki Ichigo.

His "sister" was supposed to have been executed, but she had been saved by all the people who loved her, and…

Kurosaki Ichigo just wouldn't shut up. "_…saigo ni…mou ikkai dake kiite ii ka? Anta wa…doushite Rukia o tasukeneen da?_"(1)

And even though Byakuya replied with what he said, even after he was defeated, that answer was far from the truth.

The truth was that Kuchiki Rukia would never, ever be Kuchiki Hisana.

She could never replace the only woman he had ever loved.

And Byakuya understood that.

He gave up on Rukia because he understood Kurosaki Ichigo's feelings of wanting to save the person who means everything to you. He understood that he had been defeated, and the noble thing to do would have been to let Kurosaki Ichigo have his way, and for Kuchiki Rukia to live.

Byakuya didn't have to let it be that way. Even without his zanpakutou, he could have done something.

But Hisana had always believed kindness about him, and for once…for once, just once, Byakuya wanted to merit that perfection he could still remember so well in her eyes.

* * *

**owari**

(1)From chapter 166. Rough readable English translation would go: "For the last time, can I ask you this? Why won't you save Rukia?" (other translators, like manga-rain, etc., might translate it differently)


	7. nanaban: Renji & Rukia

A _strong PG-13_ for this chapter. Warning, if you are a RenxRuki fan, stay away…

Why do I love torturing Renji so? I really love him as a character, but it's just too easy to use him as the scapegoat in these love stories. Suman ne, Renji-kun…

Review if you like. No flames, please.

* * *

**AI NO KANSHOKU****  
**Renji & Rukia, Ichigo x Rukia

* * *

It was one of those infrequent times when he was on Earth and had some time to himself, his area perfectly secure. During these times, in these dangerous periods when he had absolutely nothing to do, Renji would find himself trying to figure out the intricacies of how humans lived their daily lives.

He had never cared to know before now. To him, his human life and his after-life had been filled with nothing but despair and poverty, and anyway humans were weak beings who needed a constant protection from Hollows that they didn't even realize.

However, his interest in the human race had been revived slightly as of late. And that was all due to one Kuchiki Rukia.

After everything was said and done in Soul Society, Rukia had escaped to Earth again, leaving mass confusion behind. Currently, she was playing the part of a human in some super-gigai that she seemed to pull up from nowhere. And the most disturbing fact was that she _chose_ to do all of this of her own voluntary will.

Soul Society, her friends, her life, her work and her future…Rukia had basically given all of it up the second she had turned her back on her home and escaped with that idiot orange-haired human-turned-shinigami.

Yes, Renji had been willing to help her escape, and had even been floored by the pardon later given to him in spite of his traitorous actions. Yes, she was his best friend. Yes, maybe he liked her a _bit_ more than he should – just a little bit! But that didn't mean he was willing to give it all up for her. She should have just stayed in Soul Society, and then everything would have been perfect again!

So why had Rukia chosen not to, and had chosen human life instead?

Since Renji couldn't figure this question out, he began to watch humans, and how they worked and lived.

Right away, he noticed a few small differences.

Humans took the moment. They were not like shinigami, who had forever handed to them, but humans took their morality and made the most out of the time that was not on their side. He would notice this in decisions of doing something tomorrow with the loss of today, or whether to go here instead of there…these were things that he had considered very rarely before, because in Soul Society, one rule was law. There were no such things as free decisions.

Ah…and that was the other things about humans. They _chose_. Whether they wanted to skip school or get an education, that was their choice. Whether they wanted to read a book or go to work, that was their choice. Everything was decisions, decisions, decisions…decisions that Renji had hardly ever made for himself after being accepted to shinigami school. Unless you were the biggest fish in the pond, there was no such thing as freedom. The smaller fish did the dirty work.

Not so in the human world. Even the smallest fish had choice.

Maybe this was what appealed to Rukia. Since she had spent so much time in Soul Society, maybe she tired of being told what to do all the time, and had gone to Earth to embrace freedom for a change.

Renji thought over it for a while and decided that it didn't seem like something Rukia would do. However, he had no other explanation, so he stuck with that for now.

Speaking of that particular former shinigami, Renji had promised himself that he'd stop in for a visit at least once. It was nighttime now; she should be at Kurosaki's home. That human school of hers took up all of her day hours so he could never see her then.

"Oh…excuse me."

That was said from a spirit that Renji nearly bumped into while walking down the street, prepared to take to the sky. He hadn't even noticed him until he spoke.

Renji paused. "Yo. What's a spirit like you hanging around this pole for?"

"You can see me?"

"'Course. I'm a spirit too, yanno." Renji glanced over at the normal, boring-looking white pole that the spirit was hovering around. "This pole interesting to you or something? I wouldn't want to be stuck here, so why are you?"

The man chuckled slightly, then sighed. Renji had a feeling he'd have been a good-looking human if he only stopped slumping and pulled the hair out of his eyes. "Oh, that's a long story, my fellow spirit, but you look like you have to be someplace…and I've nowhere to go."

"Well maybe I can change that," Renji said, unsheathing Zabimaru. "You wanna get out of here?"

"It doesn't matter…" the man said. "I don't care where I go anymore."

"Why not? You're dead. Don't you want to pass on? Why're you attached to this pole anyway?"

The man put his hand on the telephone pole and sighed again. "That's the story of my life…a year ago, my fiancée was killed at this pole when she was run over by a car. I can't believe how simple it sounds when I say it…that she was run over by a car. You know, she was the only woman I'd ever loved…" he paused for a long minute, lowering his eyes. "Later on I committed suicide here. I thought it seemed the only symbolic thing to do."

"Why'd you do it?"

"What do you mean, why? When you know this kind of love, a person would do anything to keep it, absolutely anything." The man's eyes were sincere; he had been suffering a lot of anguish from even before his own death. "I'd have done anything to be with her again. But even when I died and found I was stuck to this place, she wasn't here…I don't regret dying, but I wish I could have seen her again, I would have done anything to be with her again…"

Renji regarded this man for a while more, letting him talk himself into silence. Losing a loved one had to hurt, and he should know…Rukia had already left Soul Society, and to him that was the equivalent. Not being able to see the person you loved was indeed pain.

"Hey, look, you," Renji said, hefting Zabimaru over his shoulder, "I'm going to let you go someplace, and over there you won't be stuck to just a pole. You'll be able to move around, and you might be happier. I won't promise that your lady will be there, and I won't make guarantees about the happiness, but…" he stopped, and wondered at his next words, "…when I get back to that place…if I have time…I'll help you find her."

"Really?" Suddenly the man's eyes were bright. "Really, you mean it?"

"Yes, really." Renji grasped his sword. "Now this might tingle, but it won't hurt. Close your eyes."

And he performed konsou on the poor man's soul, allowing him to pass into Soul Society in a gentle wave of white light.

Strangely, promising to help this former human find his lover didn't bother him as it probably would have before. Renji shrugged. Maybe his age was just making him soft.

The black butterfly fluttered by, blending in with the night sky, and he was reminded of how late it was. Sheathing Zabimaru back at his side, Renji leapt off into the sky.

_"Why'd you do it?"_

_"What do you mean, why? When you know this kind of love, a person would do anything to keep it, absolutely anything."_

He shook his head in mid-leap. Damn. Sometimes these conversations with souls left little scattered remnants of memories behind in his head, small scraps that were not important and that he tried to forget. Why these particular lines stuck in his head was beyond him. And, as he neared the place Kurosaki Ichigo called home, Renji's encounter with that sad spirit earlier in the night gradually faded.

With Kurosaki's bedroom being closest to the street, Renji just planned on letting himself in through the window like he'd seen Rukia do sometimes. He hopped off the telephone pole, suspended in midair just a few feet from the window…but suddenly he stopped.

Suddenly the blood was pounding in his head and he couldn't breathe.

Suddenly his mouth seemed paper-dry, and all was deathly silent.

Suddenly the world stopped.

All Renji could focus on, suddenly, was the image of Kurosaki Ichigo and Kuchiki Rukia, sitting together on the bed, kissing so keenly and passionately that it was clear neither had any reservations about their relationship.

He wouldn't have been so shocked by just kissing.

But now, the gray jacket Rukia wore during the day was now discarded among rumpled bed sheets, the white shirt underneath unbuttoned and ever so gently being pushed down the smooth, pale curve of her shoulder.

Ichigo's hands were all over her, in places Renji had never even dreamed of daring to touch, disrobing Rukia of her strange human clothing. And she was doing the same to him at an almost equal speed. Both were blushing, Rukia more so, but neither stopped.

Neither stopped for an instant.

Suddenly Renji's legs found movement, as some dim part of his functioning mind told him that if he watched any longer, he would never be able to keep silent. He'd meant to flee, like a guilty criminal from the scene of a crime, but his body instead found refuge to the side of Kurosaki Ichigo's window. Renji pressed himself against the outside wall of the clinic as his eyes focused out, at the full moon sky in front of him.

He couldn't see them, but he could hear them…Rukia's soft voice, whispers, little choked breaths that would escape her lips…Ichigo's heavy breathing…

Renji's head moved from the sky, turning slightly to the side.

When a being is closer to danger, the first instinct is to preserve life and to run away. But there is always the part of the mind that wishes to challenge death, to dance on the edge of a knife's blade, to know and see things that the person knows will hurt them…the spawn of that idiom: curiosity killed the cat.

Renji's head turned the slightest of a fraction to the side, enough to see through the window…

Ichigo's lips were where his hands had once been, tracing a path down Rukia's perfect neck as his hand stroked down one thigh…Rukia tilted her head back, hands on Ichigo's back and the defined muscles of his arms…

"…Ichigo…" she whispered, "Ichigo…"

Renji whipped his head back around to the sky. Hearing the orange-haired shinigami's name was killing him.

She was moaning lightly now, whimpering, most likely at his touch…Ichigo was panting and trying to shush her at the same time, reminding her in breathless whispers that his family was still home and asleep…her voice increased by a decibel, but no louder…

_This is a dream_, Renji thought to himself. _This is a dream this is a dream this is a dream this is only a simple fucking dream! In a second I'm going to wake up and not remember any of this and I'll laugh for being so stupid as to get all worked up over a –_

"Ichigo…" Rukia whispered, "…uhn…Ichigo…I love you, Ichigo, I love you…ahhh…!"

For the second time that night, Renji couldn't breathe.

_I love you._

The words were pounding in his ears, thicker and hotter and faster than anything else, even his breath, even his blood; and for a second he thought he was hearing an echo, but no, it was only Ichigo, repeating the words…repeating the words…"…love you too…Rukia…"

Renji was going to be sick. He was physically and mentally going to be sick, if the sudden heaving in his stomach was any indication. He had to get away. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think. All his faculties had abandoned him.

_"Why'd you do it?"_

_"What do you mean, why? When you know this kind of love, a person would do anything to keep it, absolutely anything."_

A bead of sweat fell down the side of his face as his wide, staring eyes continued to present no image to his operative mind . It was a miracle he was still in the air -but suddenly, with a speed that seemed to rival the shunpa of Kuchiki Byakuya himself, Renji thrust himself away from that wall and into the night sky. The cool air touched his skin, and the moon, so large and bright like a pearl, surely was mocking him with all the moonlight flooding the streets, the light that shone through even in the night of an impenetrable darkness…

_"Why'd you do it?"_

_"What do you mean, why? When you know this kind of love, a person would do anything to keep it, absolutely anything."_

Renji was in the air before he could even register that he was. He ran away, leaving no trace of self behind, seeming to run straight into the velvet sky. Madness blinded his vision and blocked his rationale.

Why had Rukia chosen a human life?

A human had _choices_…and she had made hers. The answer was now so intensely obvious that Renji felt like hurting himself at how he'd missed it for so long. How could he have been so stupid…?

Rukia had chosen the _human_ life. He had chosen the _shinigami_ life. She'd given up _everything_. He'd given up _nothing_. Her future was most definitely _uncertain_. His future was _most definitely certain_. They clashed at all levels.

Because, Renji now realized with agonizing clarity, a human life brought Rukia something much more beloved than any old notions of freedom or learning to take advantage of a single moment, such as only being human will teach you. Because in spite of that, there was no Kurosaki Ichigo in the shinigami life…she'd chosen the very embodiment of freedom.

_"Why'd you do it?"_

_"What do you mean, why? When you know this kind of love, a person would do anything to keep it, absolutely anything."_

He kept running, because if he stopped, his mind would drift back to the bedroom of one particular orange-haired shinigami, with crazy determination, with power that could rival that of Soul Society's strongest…who was currently with the only girl he had ever thought to care about. The girl who was willingly in his arms, comforted by him, willing to be kissed and touched and responding–

Renji shook his head. No! No more thoughts like that.

He stopped running suddenly. It was hopeless. No matter how fast he ran, memories were always faster. They stayed with you. They never left. And now he would have the burden of one huge snippet of memory that Renji knew he would never forget.

Dimly, he raised his head to the sky. The moon was too bright, the stars too merry, even though the black of the sky should have swallowed up their light. _They're the witness to something unknown; they're the only ones who ever see these things_, Renji thought suddenly, amazed by the simply clarity in his thought. _They always know something that we don't…_

He couldn't change anything that had already come to pass.

His hands moved to unsheathe Zabimaru, knowing that there was no longer a place for him here, not right now…that if he stayed longer, he might do something that he'd definitely regret later. The moon was right in front of him, shining, as Renji opened the doors back to Soul Society, holding Zabimaru steady in front of him even though the sword had never felt heavier. For one last time, he raised his head to the sky.

_The moon and stars always know something we don't…_ he thought.

And suddenly, as the sky mocked him overhead, Renji realized that he _did_ have a choice. With the doors to Soul Society open right in front of him, he realized that he'd _always_ had choices, but had chosen to ignore them. Choosing to go to shinigami school…choosing to fight for Rukia's survival…choosing to run away from tonight instead of facing it completely…he still had a choice, he didn't need to go back to Soul Society just yet…but he was going to. He was _choosing_ to.

He had just never considered them choices before because it just seemed the natural thing to do. That wasn't choice to him, that was destiny. But he realized it now: everything he'd ever done was just the sum of countless choices, experience lending weight to his decision that ultimately decided the direction of the conclusion. Without choice, the world would not be organized and civil; it would be chaos. Having options or alternatives is what kept life interesting. That's what made people make stupid decisions, do something they normally wouldn't, or act completely out of the norm.

Like how Rukia had fallen in love with Kurosaki Ichigo and chosen to be human.

How could he have been so stupid, first with Rukia's humanity, then his thoughts about choice? How could he keep being so fucking _stupid_…?

The doors were already open. The black butterfly fluttered somewhere above his head, patiently waiting for him to move. Eternity was just a few steps away.

_"Why'd you do it?"_

_"What do you mean, why? When you know this kind of love, a person would do anything to keep it, absolutely anything."_

The smile that pulled the corner of his mouth was dull, tired.

Renji still remembered his promise, the one that he made to a defeated spirit this night that already seemed like an eon ago. That one spirit had lost all hope, but he'd given it back.

Once upon a time, he'd given Rukia hope, and she'd done the same to him.

His feet began to walk.

He'd continue to live, continue to hurt, just to know that he was alive…and he'd keep these stupid human expressions on his face, just to know that he was in some marginal way closer to her…and maybe the next time he went to visit, he'd be able to smile. For real.

And maybe he could come to forget that which was already burned into the surface of his subconscious. And maybe he'd curse Ichigo out for being a bastard and enjoy a nice normal fighting bout with Rukia, calling her all the names he'd done before, enjoying as her face would grow stubborn and indignant, and he feeling peaceful and happy as only her presence had ever done for him.

Yes, Renji thought, maybe if he took some time, he'd be able to do that on his next visit.

If only he could stop these tears on his cheeks, now.

* * *

**owari**


	8. hachiban: Renji x Hinamori

I thought this would be an interesting couple, though the chances of them actually getting together are, like, 0.1 percent. Sad face. :-(

Review if you like. No flames, please.

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**AI NO KANSHOKU  
**Renji x Hinamori

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Looking over his past record, he seemed to always have a weakness for the small, cute girl, torn apart by turmoil and hesitant about her own duty. That was both Kuchiki Rukia and Hinamori Momo in a nutshell.

I found it amazing that he was able to overcome the heartache that was caused by Kuchiki Rukia's leave from Soul Society. She left him flat and he never confessed the way he felt about her, though of course _that_ was as obvious as the sun in the sky. She just never noticed.

That Kurosaki Ichigo did, though. But he never said anything to Kuchiki, because I guess Kurosaki figured that since he had her, there was no need for him to say anything else.

We were all there when they left.

_"…goodbye, everyone…you have to sort out the government here…and I'm going to Earth. You know where to find me if you need me," Kuchiki Rukia said, but she wasn't looking at us; she was looking very pointedly at both the sixth and thirteenth divisions. For their part, neither said a word until she paused, looking a bit lost for expression._

_"You're okay, Kuchiki," Ukitake-taichou said, with a generous smile as always. "Hope to see you back here soon. Make the most out of happiness, eh?"_

_She blushed, and then turned to her brother._

_"Byakuya-nii-sama…"_

_I really expected him to say nothing. But he did._

_He nodded his head in her direction, and said, "Until we meet again."_

_Visibly, her spirits lifted considerably at even that small amount of recognition…and then all that was left was Abarai Renji. I think Kuchiki thought that he might be hurt by her leaving, but in truth, I had already known that the worst storm of his emotion had already passed and cooled._

_And how did I know that? Well, of course, it just had to be me to have stumbled upon _them_, that night that I did._

_"Rukia…"_

_"Renji, I…I wanted to thank you for all that you've done…" she pauses. They're empty words, what she's saying now, because she already said them before and with a whole lot more emotion. "So I hope that until I return, you can be happy…"_

_Astute. Very astute. I don't think that even she realized how astute her words were._

_He smiled at her, slightly, and there was still some hurt in it, but it had already begun to fade._

_"You take care, Rukia. And you too, bastard," he said, in reference to the orange-haired shinigami who was standing just behind her. "Maybe I'll drop in one day, when I don't have anything more exciting to do. You know, to liven up your boring, dull human lives and all."_

_He smiled at her, she smiled back, Kurosaki Ichigo's eyebrow twitched (because he is very possessive, did you know?), and everything was fine between the two old friends. The jealousy and heartache was gone, and all that was left was Abarai Renji's sincere wish for Kuchiki Rukia's happiness, in any way or form._

_Abarai didn't even flinch when her hand came out to hold Kurosaki's as they stepped through the portal. If I remember correctly, I think he even smiled. I knew it was because of _her_, and what she had done to him._

_Later on, no one would ever know how it quite came about…but I do._

And now Abarai's all silent and serious again. It's been almost two weeks since Kurosaki Ichigo and Kuchiki Rukia left and I haven't seen him brood this depressingly in all that time, so it must not be about Kuchiki; it must be something else.

"Abarai Renji."

He turns, but, appearing disinterested, doesn't even respond to my greeting.

"You could at least say hello."

"Yeah…hi."

"Why the long face?"

"What face?"

"The one you're wearing now."

"It's nothing," he scowled. "This is the face I always have." And indeed, that scowl did shape his face back into a mime of how it usually looked, but I wasn't fooled.

"Sure. And I'm first division captain, did you know?" I sighed. "Seriously, Abarai, what's bothering you? All this doom and gloom will affect your missions." I looked at him out of the corner of my eye as I said this, but he just looked disinterested again. That made me wonder if he was even listening. "Why, are you worried about Hinamori?"

Now that definitely got his attention, and I gloated. "Wh – what?"

"I repeat:" I said slowly, just to piss him off, "Are – you – worried – about–"

He cut me off mid-sentence. "No I'm not!" he said, standing, as a fierce breeze ruffled the spikes of his hair. "And stop talking to me like I'm stupid! I'm not you know!"

That made me smile; that he was a strong and immensely intimidating vice-captain under Kuchiki Byakuya, and yet he could still blush like an academy schoolgirl.

"Why, Abarai, is that a sunburn on your face or do I see red?"

"Oh, just shut up." He sat back down with a huff, dangling his legs over the edge of the raised floor. "Go away; I don't want to talk to anyone right now."

I sat down next to him. "Please. I know that you're thinking about Hinamori. Just like when you were thinking about Kuchiki Rukia, that look on your face is way too predictable. You should learn something from Kuchiki-taichou…you know, about his poker face."

His face is turned away from me. I don't expect him to answer just yet, because he hasn't cracked. I haven't pushed him.

"So what's between you and Hinamori lately, hm?"

Silence.

"I can understand why you're worried about her."

Silence.

"Captain trials are much harder than vice-captain trials."

Silence.

"And with Aizen-taichou, Ichimaru-taichou, and Tousen-taichou dead, not to mention Kira arrested, everyone's looking to move up the food chain."

Still silence. This pointed ignorance is beginning to annoy me.

"You know, the only reason Hinamori wants to become captain is so that she can disprove the image of the traitorous former captain of the fifth division. She wants to prove something. She thinks that becoming captain is the best thing she could do to show the rest of Soul Society that the fifth division is still worthy of merit."

Nothing. Doesn't even blink.

"But people have died before in captain trials…"

Hah. Now he looks edgy.

"And even though Hinamori's strong, I wonder if she could stand up to the pressure of the trial. I mean, she isn't a genius or a child prodigy, and she isn't possessed of extreme power like Zaraki-taichou or the former Aizen-taichou. Do you think she'll die?"

"Will you just shut up?" He jumps to his feet, and I conceal a smile with some difficulty. I knew that mention of her death would be the catalyst through which I'd get a rise out of him. "You just keep talking to me about all this fucking shit about Hinamori dying! Damn, just shut up! I don't want to hear another word about Hinamori and the captain trials! I already know, all right!"

Abarai Renji might be power-strong, but surely, somewhere, someone is walking around with an extravagant I.Q. to make up for what he lacks. For trying to make me disbelieve the fact that he is _not_ thinking about Hinamori, he's failing miserably, horribly, and _completely_.

"So stop trying to deny you're worried about her," I counter, sitting up a little straighter so that he'll start to take me seriously. "I know that you and Hinamori have become a little…close, shall we say. You don't have to deny it."

The look on his face is priceless. Baboon king, indeed.

"H – how did you–"

I shrug. "That doesn't really matter, does it? All that matters is what you're feeling now."

"Yeah, but…I…"

"You think you're betraying Kuchiki Rukia's memory."

"Jesus how are you doing that?"

"You're not a particularly hard subject to unravel."

"I'm not a damn specimen!"

Again, I shrug. "Perhaps." Then, to stem his tirade, I add, "It's natural to feel the way you do, Abarai, but I think you're already in too deep. Just because you loved Kuchiki Rukia once doesn't mean your heart has to be chained to her forever."

"Look, just stop this, all right?"

What had I been thinking earlier? "And besides, Kuchiki Rukia and Hinamori are so similar in their beliefs. You go for the same type of girl…so no one can really blame your heart for having healed itself from Kuchiki's rejection so quickly."

"I said–"

"Otherwise," I say loudly, over his furiously rising voice, "you wouldn't have kissed Hinamori."

He makes a strangled noise in his throat that I believe is incredulity.

_Abarai Renji, I had noted, was a sucker for a crying woman. And just like the typical man, he had absolutely _no _idea what to do when the tears were falling and the girl sobbing her heart out on his shoulder._

_Seeing Hinamori doing this to him, Abarai frozen like a statue, was almost laughable._

_It was so easy to melt into the shadows when I spotted them, but my split-second curiosity cost me the chance of escape. I had wanted to leave them alone, but I had stayed too long; a slight tread of my foot caught his attention before Abarai dismissed it as his imagination. If I moved again, he would most definitely sense me…and I didn't want Hinamori already more distraught than she already was._

_"Abarai-kun…" she said through her tears, crying on his shoulder. "Abarai-kun…"_

_"Eh, Hinamori…it's okay," he said, very awkwardly patting her shoulder, before his hands wrapped around her in a comforting embrace. "Everything will be okay."_

_"No it won't be," she said. And even as I was trying not to listen, the words carried to my ears. "I'm taking the test to become the fifth division's captain…it was Aizen-taichou's job, and I have to prove the fifth division isn't all bad…that I'm not evil like he was…"_

_"You aren't, and you know it."_

_"But…but I'm scared!" she confessed, choking back another sob. "The captain trials are hard, and I'm not at the level of someone like Yamamoto-soutaichou or Ukitake-taichou…"_

_"Jesus, Hinamori, be reasonable. First of all, Yamamoto-soutaichou is the head of all 13 divisions, so no one's expecting any captain to be stronger than him anyway. And Ukitake-taichou has one major advantage over you, and that's experience. So stop putting yourself down. If you try out, everything's gonna be fine, Hinamori."_

_She nodded. "But…what if I don't get the position?"_

_"Then so what? Is anyone gonna give a shit?"_

_"What about Hitsugaya-kun?"_

_"What about the pipsqueak?"_

_"He'll be…disappointed in me. He's younger than me, and he's already captain!"_

_"So what? Not everybody's a genius. And if he tells you something sarcastic then tell him to go to Hell."_

_I was amazed at the level of insincerity in his words, but what I took for insincere, Hinamori must have reached much deeper. She started to laugh slightly through her tears, the drops falling into the corner of her mouth. "…thank you, Abarai-kun," she said softly._

_He blinked, a strange expression coming over his face, before he suddenly pulled her closer. Much, much closer._

_Suddenly I didn't want to be there._

_"Abarai-kun…?"_

_"It'll be okay, Hinamori," he said. "You'll see, everything will be okay."_

_She smiled up at him. "Thank you, Abarai-kun…"_

_"For what?"_

_"You've just put everything in a much better light."_

_"Did I?"_

_"Yes! Now I don't feel so bad. You're right," she smiled, "I'm doing this for myself, just to show that stupid Aizen-taichou I can. So what if I'm not like the other captains? I can be a captain in my own way."_

_The relief that overtook his features was like a wave._

_She smiled._

_I wondered if he was seeing Kuchiki Rukia._

_But then suddenly, he smiled too, and it was so _real_ that I blinked. I'd never seen his face grow lax like that before. And then, to the surprise of Hinamori and me both, Abarai said, "…thank you, Hinamori."_

_From the way she blinked her eyes rapidly, I knew she was confused. Hell, even _I_ was surprised that it had happened so quickly. "Abarai-kun? What are you thanking me for?"_

_I could see the image of Kuchiki Rukia dissolving before his eyes as clearly as if the image had been real and solid, standing in Hinamori's place. But he said nothing, only smiled a little more and a little longer._

_"It's nothing, Hinamori. Forget it."_

_"O – okay…if you say so. Hey, Abarai-kun…can I tell you something else?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Do you think that Hitsugaya-kun likes someone?"_

_That definitely caught my attention._

_"Why? Do you like him?"_

_"No…it's just that I think there is someone. Hitsugaya-kun is my closest friend. But he gets farther and farther away from me every day…you know? It just makes me sad when I think about it."_

_"Don't be. Even if he doesn't like you, he wouldn't want you to worry about him."_

_She sighed. "I don't know why I can tell you these things."_

_He shrugged lightly, and, as she looked up into his eyes, the connection that drew them together was so strong…strong enough that even I could sense that it was greater force than just loneliness and understanding, found in the other._

_And Renji kissed her…or was it Hinamori that kissed Renji? I don't really know, because I didn't want to watch._

He's babbling again. "How – how – how did you…how did you…?"

"I just know these things," I shrug.

"I fucking _knew_ there was someone there in the shadows!"

"Well, obviously, if you knew, you're a poor vice-captain for not having acted upon instinct," I say, and hide another smile at how his mind changes course in one instant. He was embarrassed for me knowing about him and Hinamori, and then, all of a sudden, he switches to angry at my jab at him.

He turns his head away, silent, fuming, but all the same needing to know my opinion. Wanting to know it.

"Hinamori will be fine," I say. "She's stronger than she thinks. Regardless of loyalties, she spent her vice-captain rank under one of the strongest former captains of the thirteen…and anyway, it is more acceptable for a vice-captain to ascend to captain status than for a seated shinigami to. So I wouldn't worry. These things have a way of working themselves out."

He doesn't say anything, back still turned to me, but this time I don't mind.

I make my way to my office after having left Abarai Renji alone to his thoughts. Although someone can show him the direction, I can't make him go…so whatever he decides from here on out will be entirely his own decision. And I think he'd be able to live with that, in spite of my help.

"…Hitsugaya-taichou?"

Said captain looks up from his papers, and I smile at how he slouches so lazily…so like a child.

"Matsumoto."

Hitsugaya-taichou always acknowledges me. My eyes soften.

"You know, I think Hinamori knows more about you then she lets on."

Quirking an eyebrow, he asks, "What?"

"She knows you like someone."

"So?"

"So, that's friendship for you."

"Hmph," he scoffs. "Really. I could tell she liked Abarai Renji from a mile away and I haven't talked to her once all month."

I really shouldn't be so amazed that he already knows, but still, I can't help it. Hitsugaya-taichou has gone and amazed me again with that quick wit of his.

But since that's just how he is, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I come over to his chair, kneeling next to his side, and slink my arms around his neck.

"You know, when you grow up, do you think we can finally tell everyone?"

"I won't look like you for a long time."

"I don't care," I smile. "I can wait."

"Hmph," he scoffs again. "I can't believe I once thought you liked Ichimaru."

"I can't believe I once thought you liked Hinamori."

"What do you expect? Childhood friends…everyone's out to make a couple out of the age-old platonic relationship that begins with casual friendship."

I smile at his serious pouty expression, talking and working at the same time, and lean forward to place a soft kiss at the corner of his lip. I don't mind that the person I love looks like a child, and that even by the laws of Soul Society, the kind of couple we are would be marked as disturbing. So I just have to wait for Soul Society's time to catch up with him.

"Do you think I should say something to Abarai?"

"Something in your voice tells me you already have."

I smile.

"And how do you know that, oh great captain?"

"That smirk on your face tells me everything."

"Do you think Abarai is her type?"

"I don't know and frankly, I don't want to know."

That's Hitsugaya-taichou for you.

"…you know, you're going to be so handsome when you grow up."

"I know, you keep telling me. But until that day comes, do you think you can keep your hands off me so that I can work?" He casts me a half-irritated glare that I know is only covering the surface level of his emotions, and I know he's glad I'm there.

His happiness equals mine.

And somehow, however I can manage it, I want Abarai and Hinamori to feel the same way. To know how amazing it is to be in love. I want them to know.

I want them to know, and because of that, I'll keep wishing for them together.

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**owari**


	9. kyuuban: Ichigo x Rukia

Just another little sap-fest because I love this couple waaaaay too much. And this little scenario had been bugging me for a while.

Ichigo refers to Urahara as "geta-boshi," which literally refers to his _geta_ (the wooden slippers) and his _boshi_ (his hat). Rukia calls Byakuya "nii-sama," or older brother.

_reiatsu_ – "spiritual pressure"

Review if you like. No flames, please.

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**AI NO KANSHOKU****  
**Ichigo x Rukia

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"…long time no see…Ichigo."

By way of her superbly honed senses, she knew he was in the room long before he said anything or made a sound to indicate his presence there. Just the sheer aura of him alone was enough…tangling with her own in the small space of the room, waving across empty space, invisible, but tangible all the same.

Sitting in front of the mirror, not even the silver glint of reflection allowed her to see his face, standing behind her. Her eyes drifted down.

"Hmph. Yeah, Rukia, nice to see you too."

A warm swell stole through her body at his voice; it was deeper than she remembered it and no longer brought with it the images of a pre-adolescent teenage boy. She could not imagine him now, his reflection.

"That's Lady Kuchiki-taichou to you, Ichigo." Rukia smirked a little, and the slight, pushing surge of his aura then indicated that he was amused.

"Yeah, so I heard," he said. "Captain of the third division, huh?"

She shrugged lightly. "Byakuya-nii-sama supported my trial for the position, and the word of a Kuchiki noble is always considered valuable input. Most likely, it was only because of him that I got the position."

"Renji seemed to think so otherwise." Rukia heard his breath exhale as he smirked. "Having Hisana'ssoul made you already more of a useful asset…besides having an influential older brother and belonging to the Kuchiki house."

"Are you arguing on my behalf that I actually earned the position?" she asked him with a sly smile, turning her head just a fraction in his direction.

"Maybe I am."

"Maybe," she acknowledged soberly, turning her head back. In all truth, she had expected him to say something snobbish. "But I didn't have to take the position."

"But you did."

"I did. And you, idiot, you know you have Kaien's soul. You could have acted on it like I did, but you did nothing."

Rukia felt him shrug. "The only good reason for being unbelievably powerful is having something to protect that's worth protecting."

"And all of the afterlife wasn't enough for you? You turned down the fifth-division position so long ago already."

"Back then…" he paused. "Back then, I didn't want to stay here."

"But? You've come for a friendly visit?"

"Of sorts."

"Ichigo, really, what did you come here for?" She delicately turned around on her knees then, her white captain's robe splayed around her form in a wave of white. Looking up at him, standing in the doorway with the light behind, his face was in gray shadow – but that could not change that fact that he looked almost exactly the same as when she had left, back from those years ago. Rukia had thought he'd change, but he hadn't. Not much.

He regarded her, smiling. "You look different."

"I…I chose to grow up."

"I didn't know you could choose."

"People in Soul Society age more slowly, but shinigami with extensive control of their reiatsu can control their body's time. Whether they want to grow up faster or stay young is entirely their decision."

"And you chose to grow up, huh?"

"Just a few years…"

"Your hair's longer," he said, still smiling that sort of half-smile at her that was faintly reminiscent. "And, you look…I don't know. Older somehow."

"That would be obvious, you think?" She didn't mention that the only reason she had let herself age a few years in appearance was so that she would appear the same age as him. "Just because I was over a hundred when I looked fourteen didn't mean I had to stay that way forever. Besides, this way, more people take me seriously."

"…I don't know, you just don't look as…frail…as I remember. Even being a hundred or two hundred or whatever."

"Frail?" she repeated, arching a thin eyebrow at him.

"That's not what I meant, I mean…needing protecting."

She shrugged. "I was weak then."

"We all were."

"No, you weren't. You were the strongest."

"I wasn't talking about that."

She just couldn't look at his eyes then, so she settled for looking at the short expanse of polished wood floorboard between Ichigo and herself. He was dressed as a shinigami, she noticed.

"…Ichigo…I…I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For…that day."

"What was there to be sorry for? It happened. It was your and my choice. You don't have to apologize for something that we both chose for ourselves," Ichigo said, but his voice had a sharper edge now than before.

"Yes, but…"

"But what?"

"I…I hurt you when I left…I…that's not how I wanted to end it, how I had wanted to tell you," she said quietly. "Our lives took different paths, but the separation was harder than I had wanted it to be."

He said nothing.

Her mind drifted back to several years ago…

_"Why? Why do you have to go, Rukia? Can't you stay on Earth?"_

_"Ichigo, you don't get it. I can't stay here on Earth because, technically, I no longer exist," she said, her eyes pleading with him, though he did not seem to be affected by them as he usually was. "I can't stay in a gigai all my life, and I don't have a real human body like you do."_

_"So what about geta-boshi?" he asked, thrusting his face closer to hers. "Why can he stay on Earth when you can't?"_

_"Urahara's a human. He chose 100 percent integration with his gigai, the special type that only he knows how to make. But because of that, he won't ever be able to go back to Soul Society! I can't become a human, Ichigo…I'm a shinigami!"_

_"So what if you're a shinigami? No one over there cares about you! Your human life is more real than anything else you've ever lived! Why do you want to go back when you know that all there is left for you is unhappiness?"_

_"You don't know that, Ichigo."_

_"I do know it! So what if you've got Hisana's power? So what if Byakuya suddenly acknowledges you? So what if there are captain positions open? Rukia, can't you give it up and stay?"_

_Ichigo exhaled, and in that trembling breath the sudden truth was more real than words, raw and painful, cut to the bone in his sincerity. That was how Rukia knew the complete sentence; the one that Ichigo could not bring himself to say._

_Rukia, he'd said, can't you give it up and stay…with me?_

_Her eyes misted, but she controlled her emotions and fought them back._

_"…Ichigo…" she tried again, "…Ichigo, please try to understand. I…this is not my place. I can't stay here…my place is being a shinigami, like always. Can't you see our worlds are already too different?"_

_"So what? Why can't you stay, Rukia? What is so horrible about human life that you can't stay? Why do you have to go back?"_

_"Why can't you come to Soul Society for good, then? They're offering you the captaincy of the fifth division without even taking the captain's trial! Why not take that offer and come to Soul Society?"_

_"Don't be _stupid_! I can't leave my dad and my sisters!"_

_"They can survive without you!"_

_"That's not the point! I don't want to go to Soul Society, Rukia; it's not where I belong!"_

_"See, Ichigo? You've said it yourself. It's not where you belong…and Earth is not where I belong."_

_"…Rukia…" he said softly, and cut off any other words he might have said. Ichigo walked over to his bed and sat on it, eyes to the floor, lacing his fingers together with elbows braced on his knees._

_He suddenly seemed so much younger than when he'd rescued her, a knight stripped of his armor, standing in front of her, so bare to her eyes. Most of his anger had dissipated, leaving just this battle-weary core behind. "Why are you going? I just don't understand. Human life is better for you…I know…I saw you in Soul Society, and no one respected you there…" he paused. "And us…everything was nothing to you, then? This entire time, you weren't thinking about staying, you were thinking about Soul Society…?"_

_He was wrong. So, so wrong. But if that proved the cut to sever them, then she'd let him believe it. Rukia's eyes drifted to his closet, where she'd stayed for so long…and if she concentrated, she could still feel the strength of his arms around her and the heat of his mouth connecting with hers. It was enough. It had to be enough._

_"Rukia…why can't you stay?"_

_Ichigo's voice was so soft that the mist returned to her eyes again, no matter how much she tried to keep it back. That question went straight to her heart._

_"Ichigo, I…I – I don't know anything about human life…and I've lived in Soul Society for so longer already. It's my _home_. There, I know what to do. Here, I…" she trailed off, but wondered why she suddenly saw all his back muscles tense._

_"…you're _scared_."_

_She flinched at the cutting tone, but remained silent. He was, more or less, correct._

_"I can't fucking believe it, Rukia. You're running to Soul Society because you're scared of becoming human." He was silent for a while, then stood up and kicked his bedpost with a sound of rage. It must have hurt terribly, but he said nothing about it. "I can't believe you, Rukia! After everything that's happened to you, everything I've ever done for you, you're scared of staying here and being human!" He started to laugh, but it was not a pleasant laugh; and indeed, it sent_ _chills down her spine._

_"Ichigo, to stay here and be human…that would…it would change everything! Even if I did integrate with my gigai to become human, my soul is already of the deceased…meaning that like Urahara, I'd never age. But you, Ichigo…you would. You would age, live your life out before my eyes, and then you'd die and I'd never see you again." She blinked, but it was too late; tears fell. "Ichigo, please…can't you come to Soul Society? Forever?"_

_He hesitated to answer, and on his face, she saw the same emotion that must have been on hers._

_And suddenly she understood._

_"…Ichigo…never mind…Soul Society to you is what Earth is to me, huh?" she asked, a sad smile pulling the corner of her lip._

_"Rukia…"_

_"No, don't say anything!" she said, her voice cracking. "We've already decided, haven't we? We should just leave it at that. That way we won't fight."_

_"Rukia, listen–"_

_No, she couldn't listen to him; if she did, she would totally lose it, and she would never be able to look him in the eye again. She belonged in Soul Society. She did. She was never human to begin with._

_And if she stayed human, that meant leaving everything forever…_

_"Rukia, wait, listen!"_

_"Renji is coming to get me in an hour," she said, hearing his shocked intake of breath. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Ichigo, but I'm going…I'm sorry."_

_"Rukia…"_

_Her eyes were hidden, but the tears could not be. Dashing over to him in two strides, she reached up, placing a quick, desperate kiss against his lips, before she jumped out of the window and away from his life._

"How long has it been, really?" she asked, again in reality, but subdued by memories.

"Almost three years."

"That long?" She looked up at him.

"Yeah."

"…so…why are you here?"

"I asked Renji to let me come back for a visit."

"You were still exterminating Hollows, weren't you?"

"Only if I felt like it."

"Your reiatsu is stronger."

"Yours too."

Silence settled. Rukia smiled a little sadly.

"So you really expect me to believe that you've just come for a visit, and the most you're going to do is chat me up with talk of old memories? Please, Ichigo, I know you better than that. What are you really here for?"

The silence steepened.

"…Rukia…"

She stood up quietly, and looked up to him. Absentmindedly, her hand came up to gently brush back a few strands of her ebony hair, now extending to well below her shoulders. In the darkness, it was a while before she realized that Ichigo was doing it for her.

"You know…all those years ago…neither of us wanted to give in. I didn't want to come here; you didn't want to stay…" He let out a rueful breath. "At the time, I think, I was only considering myself, and wasn't thinking of you at all. But…"

Her eyes were soft. "…but…?"

"But…I missed you. And I had a lot of time to think while you were gone," he said. "You never came to visit."

_I wanted to_, Rukia wanted to say, _so many times, I wanted to…but I thought you would be so angry at me, and refuse to talk to me…I could take leaving, but rejection would've hurt so much worse._

"But I thought it was better that way. If I saw you, I would've been angry at the thought that you didn't trust me enough to stay human…and I would've been angry at myself, for thinking that I didn't have enough courage to change the course of my life."

"…"

"But you know, I'm – you still remember school, right?"

"Yes."

"I'm 18 now, and I'm going to graduate from high school soon. I've already been accepted to college. They're all good schools, and I was even thinking of going into medicine like my dad…"

"I'm glad for you."

"Yeah. But, you know, I was talking to Inoue the other day…she's been going out with Ishida for, what, two years now? And I was talking to her because she and Ishida are going to move to America."

"America?"

"It's another country across the ocean. He applied and was accepted to Yale, this obscenely expensive and prestigious school, 'cause he wants to study law. Can you imagine that jackass Ishida, a lawyer?" He snorted at some thought, but she didn't understand anything of what he was saying.

"Well, I'm glad for Inoue-san and Ishida-san."

"I was just talking to her, and she brought up the thought of the future. We didn't get really into the topic, but she just got me thinking." His eyes drew into shadow. "What was really in my future? What was there for me? After all I'd gone through earlier in my youth, I was just going to live the normal life?

"I was surprised that Ishida and Inoue got so serious about their relationship that she'd actually move to America with him. But because she really loves him, she's going. That was sort of inspiring, I guess. And it got me thinking. So…I spent a month wondering what the hell I was going to do with myself."

"…"

"…Soul Society allows me to move back and forth, maybe because since I was offered the captain position, they think I'm strong enough to break in if I wanted to, anyway. But because of that, I found Renji and he got me in here…and I found you."

Silence descended.

"…Ichigo?"

"Rukia, the whole point of this is that I've decided to stay."

"Stay?"

"In Soul Society."

Her heart leapt so fast, it might have flown out of her mouth.

"I – Ichigo?"

"I'm not joking. I'm stronger now, Rukia. I can leave my human life behind."

"But Ichigo…what about your life there? Your family?"

"Well, I figure that since I'll probably become a shinigami, I'll see them from time to time, anyway."

"But, Ichigo…" Her happiness at his words was quickly being replaced by apprehension. "Your life won't be the same! How can you give up your human life when everything you know will change for you? How can–"

Ichigo let her get no further than that, and kissed her. His lips pressed against hers as he continued to kiss her, hard, in a kiss just as suffocating as it was sudden, just to shut her up. Rukia could not fight back against him…had never been able to when they were like this.

They broke apart. "I also thought about staying," Ichigo said quietly, after calming his breathing, "because…"

She saw the words on his lips before he said them, thought actually hearing them satisfied the part of her heart that she had never managed to subdue.

_I also thought about staying because I missed you. Too much. Rukia, over all these years…you're the only girl that I've ever loved. And I saw Ishida moving to America and what Inoue's doing to be with him…so, I guess, that was kind of an epiphany._

He pulled her closer.

_I want to protect you, Rukia. I want to be there for you. I didn't do that, three years ago, even though I've always had the chance to._

Rukia couldn't believe it.

"Ichigo, I…"

"…are you against this, Rukia?"

"…of course I want it, you idiot," she said, and her voice was going all trembly again. She grabbed a fistful of his robe and suddenly became aware of how small she still was, even grown, deep in the embrace of his arms. "Ichigo, it's…it's all I've ever wanted. How can you even _think_ that I wouldn't want you…?" she finished in a whisper.

"Time passes…feelings change."

"Mine _don't_," Rukia said fiercely.

"So I heard."

Raising her head to his, she met his eyes with a slight spark of challenge. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means Renji and I talk about a lot of things."

She smiled at the thought.

"But Ichigo, if you're going to…going to…stay in Soul Society…then what's going to happen to your real body?"

"Geta-boshi is going to destroy it and take care of Kon."

"And what about your family?"

"I told them everything. They knew they couldn't change my mind, anyway. And you can't change my mind either, so don't even bother trying."

Everything that she'd ever dreamed was coming true. It had pained her that, as a captain, she no longer had the liberty of going to Earth whenever she pleased, watching Ichigo from afar like she used to. Duties were duties, and she could not divert from hers.

"Ichigo…"

"You see? In the end, it's all your fault I decided to stay," Ichigo grumbled good-naturedly, setting his forehead to hers. Rukia could think of no reply to that except to tighten her arms around him. He was real and alive, and truly there with her again.

They stood there in the darkness for a while, before Rukia broke away. "Well then, Kurosaki Ichigo-san, you should really check with the academy board for a post under a captain. Who knows, it might even be me. Although maybe not," she added with a sudden smile, "because they might not see that as particularly productive move."

"Under you? And have your red-haired bastard of a vice-captain boss me around? Yeah, right…I don't think so, Kuchiki-taichou."

"It's _Lady_ Kuchiki-taichou, stupid; people will think you're referring to nii-sama."

"I'm not stupid, you are," he grumbled, just like a little boy.

Their conversation was not particularly deep or thorough, after the previous things that had been said and done, but that was to be expected. Ichigo had to catch up. So many things had gone on in his absence…things she had to tell him about his new home.

But they had forever, and now, that was enough.

"You know, Ichigo…"

"Stop doubting this already. Jeez, if you keep looking at me with that look on your face, I'm gonna get mad."

She should have grown indignant at that, but she didn't.

"Ichigo–"

Again, he cut her off with a kiss. His heated breath was against her lips, his hard, muscled body against her soft skin, rough eyes at her own, hers a shade of violet made gentle by too many years of sorrow…Ichigo kissed her, and it was as if the years had never passed.

It was like nothing ever changed.

Not the physicality of their bodies, not the maturity of their minds, nor the fidelity of their beliefs.

It was as if it was the same.

And, as Ichigo's breath washed over her nose, she smiled. And she felt like laughing, so existing was the joy in her heart. It was a feeling that had not overcome her for such a long time. So she did laugh, and relished in it.

"Rukia?"

"No, no…it's nothing."

She'd never let him go again.

* * *

**owari**


	10. juuban: Ishida x Orihime

My second-or-so favorite couple of Bleach.

A big thank-you to all reviewers so far! I love reading all your reviews :-)

Review if you like. No flames, please.

* * *

**AI NO KANSHOKU**  
Ishida x Orihime

* * *

He was studying, true, but that was kind of difficult when you had the object of your affection dashing all across the house, in your pajamas, trying to please you with food and cleaning your room and doing all sorts of other girly things.

"Ishida-kun…you're so tidy! I can't find anything else to clean."

"Inoue-san, you don't have to keep doing that. I can clean my room on my own. I didn't bring you here to be my housekeeper."

"I know," she smiled at him, "but it's okay. I feel bad taking your pajamas just because my uniform got wet. But they're so warm, and comfy!" She smiled and hugged herself, figuring that since he slept in these it was the same as hugging him.

Ishida felt a reluctant smile fall on his face at the sight she made. It was always like this; that she was the only person who could make him smile. "Don't you want to study too? Exams are this week."

"You're too smart to place anything less than first, Ishida-kun, without even studying."

"Maybe, but studying at least justifies the work I put into getting good grades. Kurosaki would kill me if I best him without lifting a book."

Outside, the rain continued to fall, flooding all of the streets outside and settling in a dark, gray gloom. It was only 4:00 p.m. after school, but Ishida had turned on all his house lights. Without them, he and Orihime would have been sitting in pitch darkness; that's how dark it was for afternoon.

"You know, this is the first time I've been to your house!" Orihime commented cheerfully, as she sat down across from him at the table. Pulling out her books from her bag, she added, "It's just like how I pictured it to be."

"What? Unfeeling and overly-organized?"

"No, of course not! You know, it actually has a kind of homey feel to it, like you've lived here for a long time. Tatsuki-chan says that about my house too, even though I don't have a lot of furniture – but that's only because I never threw out anything that belonged to my brother."

"The one who...?"

"Yes. It's his things that make my house my home." She smiled at some distant memory, and Ishida wondered if it was jealousy that pricked his heart then, over her thinking fondly about another man (even should it be her brother), or if it was sadness, for his feelings often matched her own.

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't be! At least I got to see him one more time before he went to Soul Society, and besides, he's better there than living as a Hollow here."

Ishida could think of nothing to say to that, so he continued on studying. Reading through several pages of texts and taking notes intently, several minutes passed before he finally realized that Orihime was not studying like he was. Rather, she was watching him as he did, propping her arms up on the table to rest her head.

"Inoue-san…you don't want to study?"

"No, not really. It's too gloomy out. And you know, Ishida-kun…you can call me Orihime."

"But, Inoue-san…"

"What? You're my boyfriend, right?" she said defiantly, but blushing as she did so. "That gives you a good reason to call me by my first name. "Inoue-san" sounds like you just met me and we're strangers." She crawled over to his side until she was right next to him. "Please, Ishida-kun? It would make me happy."

Damn, he could never refuse her anything.

"All right…Orihime."

"Yay! Ishida-kun said it!" she cheered.

He shrugged, and resumed his note-taking with a bit of a smile on his face.

"Hey, Ishida-kun…you know, that day you confessed to me that you liked me, what made you do that?" Orihime asked, blinking at him cutely. "I've always wondered, since it took me totally by surprise and everything."

Again, Ishida shrugged. He thought for a minute before replying, "Well…if you really must know, that day Kurosaki came to me for some love advice."

"Love advice?"

"What do you think is the only reason Kurosaki and Kuchiki-san are together right now?" Ishida snorted, closing his book deftly. The light flickered once, but it was so minute, neither took much notice. "Everything's that's happened between them is all due to yours truly."

"Oh?"

"Damn Kurosaki. He's exceedingly stupid when it comes to Kuchiki-san."

"And this has to do with your confession to me because…?"

"Well, since I told him to take the initiative and tell Kuchiki-san how he felt, I thought that it was about time I listen to my own words and act upon them."

Orihime gave him a big grin. "And I'm so glad that you did, Ishida-kun!" she said, giving him a quick hug.

"If you don't mind me asking, when did you get over Kurosaki?"

"…I…I don't really know. Maybe when I realized that no matter what, he was fighting for Kuchiki-san in Soul Society, and no other. Kurosaki-kun never really looked my way in the way I wanted to…the way you do," she added with a deep blush. "So, that time after he finished fighting with Kuchiki Byakuya-san, it was really clear. My feelings, I mean."

"Hm."

A flash of thunder cracked across the sky then, illuminating the room in a flash of white light. The wind blew harder than ever, a sheet of rain pelting the roof even harder, and again the light flickered – longer this time. And, as Ishida had expected, after another three flickers or so, the lights went out.

"Oh, this is great. Now I won't be able to study at all," Ishida said, putting his pencil down while irritation laced his voice. Orihime, next to him, was silent, and when he looked at her he saw that she was looking out the window. The darkness took away none of the inexplicable excitement he saw then on her face.

"Hey, Ishida-kun, I know what we can do!" Orihime said suddenly, pulling him to his feet, causing him to nearly tip over the table in her haste. Some very brief (and very male) thoughts flew past his mind then, but his girlfriend pulled him to the door and unlocked it as quickly as she'd pulled him up.

"Eh…Inoue-san? Where are we going?" Ishida asked, curious and a bit mortified that she wanted to go out somewhere in this mock-typhoon.

"_Not_ Inoue-san! Orihime!" she pouted. "And I want to go outside and play in the rain!"

"…play in the rain?"

"Uh-huh! It's not so often that it rains this hard. Come on! It'll be fun, I promise!" She pulled open the door, pulling Ishida with her.

Ishida didn't even have time to mention how the rain would have made her – his – pajamas transparent. But since he had a mind to perceive these things, he grabbed his school coat on the way out, the piece of clothing closest to the door.

Soon, they were out in the rain. It was wet and stinging and freezing and Ishida didn't like it at all; Orihime, however, looked like she was having the time of her life, whirling around in puddles larger than cars and embracing her arms up to the sky.

"Here, put this on," Ishida said. He came up to her to gently place his coat around her shoulders.

"Oh, thank you, but I'm not cold."

"It's not for the cold," Ishida countered, blushing pink. Orihime didn't seem to get the hint, but she took the coat anyway.

"You know, Ishida-kun, rain has a strange double meaning," she said, looking up at the sky. "It signifies purification and cleansing in so many symbolic texts, but yet, always in the dramatic or agonizing part of a story, it always begins to rain. Purity on one hand, agony on the other. Don't you think that's funny?"

He just looked at her, wondering what she was talking about.

"I normally don't like the rain. It reminds me of too many sad times," she said, turning to him as she lowered her arms, eyes gentle. "That's one side of the rain."

"…"

"Like the time Kurosaki-kun almost lost his life…the day I lost my brother…the day I learned he'd been turned into a Hollow…all these times it was raining."

"Inoue-san…?"

She didn't even change his iteration of her name then.

"But, you know, this time, I want the rain to be the opposite of bad memories and of a painful life," she smiled, lifting her face up to the sky even as rain soaked her. "I don't want it to remind me of death, or of suffering or the bad memories. This time, I want it to purify me, and I want to be with you."

Suddenly Ishida was so warm, like the fire of a meaningful existence had been lit in his chest, spreading through his blood and warming him to the tips of his fingers. It was strange, because every single part of him was drenched in water – and indeed, his glasses were blurry from all the rain droplets. But in that single instant, the warmth in his heart dominated the physical cold.

"Inoue-san…"

She smiled at him resignedly.

"I mean, Orihime."

Suddenly he wanted to make sure that she was purified…that the rain's purpose would not be the core of a legion of terrible experiences. This was the one time he had to make up for all the rest.

Ishida slowly walked over to her, taking her hand and bending to kiss it. Her hair was practically plastered to her face, the rain falling through sections in small rivers, but he pushed these off her forehead and cheeks to tuck behind her ear.

He smiled slightly. "Is this why you dragged me out in this pouring rain?"

"Pretty much," she smiled back.

"…well, I'm glad it's raining then."

The rain washes away sin. It washes away doubts and fallacies and brings with it the promise of that inconceivable rainbow, the beauty after the rain has cleaned away the deep, despairing wounds of living.

They were both absolutely drenched. But Ishida embraced her, wishing to the rain to purge all his prior transgressions as much as he wished the rain would free Orihime.

"Ishida-kun?"

"Yes, Orihime?"

"Kiss me."

He did so, and the chains fell away. They were free.

* * *

**owari**


	11. juuichiban: Ichigo x Rukia

I wrote this a long, long time ago...we're talking a couple manga chapters before Rukia's execution...and it's just been lying around my unposted documents, so I figure I may as well post it. Ichi/Ruki, of course. :-)

Review if you like. No flames, please.

* * *

**AI NO KANSHOKU  
**Ichigo x Rukia

* * *

He hadn't quite realized that he'd sat next to Rukia until she looked at him, eyes lacking curiosity or hostility, just a faint trace of sincere pleasure at his decision to stay at her side. Ichigo wondered why he hadn't just sat on the other side of the Ferris wheel, or why he had volunteered to take her on it in the first place.

Maybe because she had looked up at the wheel with a mix of desire and nostalgia in her eyes, the circle all lit up against the pale, dusky rose of the sky, slowly darkening to twilight. He'd been standing next to her at the time, looking at her.

Even if he'd said nothing, Ichigo thought she looked quite lovely – the clothes that she had borrowed from Inoue suited her very well. She looked almost intellectual. The pink-and-black tweed jacket hugged her slight frame and curved around her waist; a white turtleneck drew attention to the fragility of her neck and shoulders; a fitted skirt, ankle boots, and black leggings only emphasized the femininity of her legs; and a black beret tipped to one side added the intellectual facet of the look…leaving just the rest, compiled together, as an unexplainable and unintentional beauty.

"What happened to your gloves?" he asked, just then noting that her borrowed calfskin gloves were inconspicuously absent.

"Oh, those…they're in my pocket," she said. Her fingers tightened around his. "I can't feel as well with them on."

What exactly she wanted to feel Ichigo let drop, but the half-smile lingered.

"What exactly do people do on this Ferris wheel?" she asked, peering out of the side of the window. "It just goes around and around…do normal humans like doing this?"

"Well, normal humans don't know how to fly, so the feeling of being propelled through the air is exciting, you know?"

She gave him a sincere smile at his answer, lacking sarcasm, and turned to look out the window again.

It was as if they had created their own little bubble, cut off from the outside wind, the talk of peers, or the curious glances of friends. It was only alone that he was ever able to see this side of her that Ichigo secretly adored.

Rukia turned her face away from the window to lean against his side. He never minded her proximity. Leaning her head against his shoulder, her hand relaxed so that their fingers could interlace, loosely, set between them as part of the only evidence of their relationship.

They completed one revolution in silence, Ichigo just watching the outside scenery. He listened to her breathe. That was the sound of the fragility of life that had almost faded away at the hands of Soul Society…that which he would never forgive.

It was because of them that Rukia still had nightmares about her execution…and because of everything they'd gone through, Ishida had first lost his family…and, last of all, his Quincy powers. Soul Society had put him through so much shit. After having dealt with that, Ichigo had outright refused to become a shinigami.

However…Rukia was with him now.

Simply put, she refused to stay in Soul Society. She point-blank told that Yamamoto-soutaichou that she didn't want to stay in Soul Society…that she wanted to go to Earth. He was not in a position to refuse her anything, especially since she was sided by a very powerful, orange-haired ally.

And thus, the weeks had passed. She had always been filled with constant fear for her friends, wondering if she had done the right thing…eventually Ichigo had gotten so fed up with his worrying about her worrying that he finally snapped, yelling all sorts of obscenely romantic and pathetic things about his feelings, all too late realizing that he'd never be able to take them back.

He hadn't had to. A glorious moment.

Thus, their relationship.

Thus, this outing.

Of course, their friends knew nothing of it. The connection between Ichigo and Rukia was that subtle. Ishida and Inoue were all about the visibly connected hands, light kisses on the cheek, snuggling on the couch or on the chair or wherever happened to be convenient.

Ichigo and Rukia were more about the subtleties…glances, caught eyes, smiles, the whisper of a touch. And it was enough for both of them, when together with their friends, because when they were alone they did not have to act for the rest of the world.

It was only alone that Rukia ever dropped her cheer or acted in her true self, whether she was irritated or happy, frightened or insecure. It was only alone that Rukia would ever turn to him, settling into his embrace, because she knew how he felt about their relationship and respected it. It was only alone that she would cry, that she would tremble from the forceful clarity of her memories, and it was only alone that Ichigo realized both how beautiful and how pitiable she was at her most vulnerable.

It was only alone when he could comfort her…and because of this, he had come to despise Rukia's fake at-school cheer when only he really knew just how fragile she was. Like a shard of crystal glass. So delicate, so transparent, so strong, so breakable.

Or perhaps like a vision of the most perfect flower…now, always in full bloom.

"Ichigo?"

He pulled away from his thoughts. "Yeah?"

"Do you think Soul Society will ever call me back?"

She had probably been thinking along the same lines as him, and whenever the mention of Soul Society arose, always did the feeling of determined refusal to let her leave.

"Maybe. But if they do, I'll kill them all for you."

"Not Renji."

"Yeah, not Renji…how's about Byakuya?"

"Not nii-sama either," she pouted at him. "He's too noble to die by just some rogue shinigami, after all." She smiled at him, and Ichigo let his face become the gentlest he had ever let show. His frown was completely absent.

"Yeah, I guess not Byakuya either," he said, unwinding their hands to pull her closer to him. "And if Soul Society ever comes, you just tell them to shut up and go to Hell. You don't want to go back, do you?"

He felt, rather than saw, her contented smile.

"Of course not."

And as the Ferris wheel ascended, the stars becoming closer and closer than they ever were, Ichigo leaned his head back to watch their approach. Rukia's breaths were soft and even. She existed. He knew that. And he wasn't about to let anyone take her away from him, ever.

"You know…"

"Hn?"

"I like this Ferris wheel."

His mouth curved up again.

"…yeah."

* * *

**owari**


End file.
